


Paranoia

by AuthorA97



Series: 52 Stories in 52 Weeks [24]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxious Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Coming of Age, Deceit Does As Deceit Does, Origin Story for Anxiety, Sanders Sides - Freeform, Spoilers For Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-19 21:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19364482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorA97/pseuds/AuthorA97
Summary: Virgil didn't like thinking about his past...





	Paranoia

“Virgil?” Thomas asked.

Virgil let out a small him. He looked up at Thomas, his bangs falling over a single eye. He was starting to brood, Virgil was self-aware enough for that. 

It was just...all he could think about was-

 

==P==

 

_ He couldn’t remember exactly when he started. Sides weren’t like people. They weren’t... _ born _ in that sense. They only...merely...developed. _

_ His first thoughts of life- or the closest comparison he had to it- was the day Thomas’ mother had left him behind for his first day of 1st grade. _

_ “You’ll do great, sweetie.” Mom had told Thomas. “The day will be over before you know it, then you’ll wonder what you were even worried about.” _

‘But what if...what if I don’t forget?’  _ He thought, solidifying his existence as a Side.  _ Like a child, finally speaking their first word. ‘What if...what if everything I’m scared about is gonna happen?’

 

==P==

 

_ Yeah, by the end of the day, Mom had been right. Everything had gone great. _

_ That didn’t stop him from existing though. _

_ Nor would it ever. _

 

==P==

 

_ Later that week...he met The Others. _

_ The first Side to come to him, named himself Remus. The Side was...more twisted than his brother, Roman. But everyone else here called them the Prince and the Duke.  _

_ The Prince dressed like he couldn’t decide if he liked Eric, Charming, or Philip so he got all three. Even his hair had the classic Disney swoop. _

_  The Duke was...eww. He dressed like any Disney villian only...only like if the musical numbers were thrown in. His clothes looked sophisticated on the surface but a closer look revealed a trash bag, tagged with green film of other plastic bags and thrown out glitter. _

_ He preferred the clothes he’d picked- a black jacket, shirt, and that’s it. He didn’t want to be showy. _

_ Remus preferred his own name, too. Another oddity with the Dark-Creativity. _

_ He wondered what it was like, having your own name. So he asked Remus, how did he get a name? _

_ “Easy. I just picked one I liked that would bother Roman!” Remus explained. _

_ “That’s not how names work. Someone’s supposed to give it to you.” He pointed out, plainly. “That’s how it is with Thomas.” _

_ “Yeah? How do you know?” Remus snapped. “Maybe Thomas picked his name by telling mom about it while still in her stomach.” _

_ “Moms can’t hear babies-” _

_ “I know! That’s why Thomas had to talk  _ really loudly _! He sounded like a whale.” _

_ He grimaced in disgust. “No he didn’t!” _

_ “Yeah. But wouldn’t it have been cool if he did?” Remus chuckled. _

_ He didn’t like this Side. _

_ And when he didn’t like something, he had to make it known. _

 

==P==

 

“You okay buddy?” Thomas asked.

Virgil snapped out of his thoughts. “Oh. Uh...I just...I’m a little disappointed in myself.” Virgil admitted with a sigh. He rubbed the side of his skull.

 

==P==

 

_ He called himself Deceit, the next Side he met. _

_ Deceit was more showy than Remus. Dressed in a long black cape, hiding away the clothes underneath. Like if  _ Phantom of the Opera  _ has gone with Voldemort’s snake instead of a mask. _

_ “So. I hear you’re the new guy. I  _ sure hope  _ Remus didn’t give you any trouble.” _

_ “N-no. He was okay, I guess.” He nervously scuttled his foot on the floor of their common space. _

_ Normally he would hide in his room. Thomas hadn’t needed him, since  _ Morality  _ was at the wheel for most of the day. Sometimes  _ Logic _ took over which was less fun. _

_ Logic never let him have a turn. _

_ Didn’t he know how dangerous it was out there? How bad it could all go? _

_ What if Thomas answered a question then his voice cracked? What if he got the question wrong? What if Thomas forgot it after he raised Thomas’ hand but the teacher called on him and he stil Fitbit so he looked stupid in front of everyone? _

_ He had a lot to think about in his free time. _

_ Yet he knew it wasn’t good to spend so much time in his room. If he stayed too long...he got worse.  _

_ Which is what brought him to meeting Deceit. This Side’s most glorious moment was- successfully stealing a cookie from the jar. _

_ (Morality had made Thomas apologize but for a few minutes he had enjoyed a cookie) _

_ “Hmm. Still. Feel free to...come by, and speak with me. If you need the assistance. New Sides tend to have a lot of questions.” Deceit stated. _

_ “They do?” _

_ “Of course! There’s a lot to ask questions about. A lot of things...going wrong.” Deceit then turned away, as if he’d said too much. “I should go-” _

_ “Wait! You could stay?” He asked. _

_ Deceit turned to him. “But of course. Just tell me, what Side do you think you are?” _

_ He teased on the couch. “Thomas-” _

_ “-Thomas can’t decide anything for you, not until he knows who you are.” Deceit explained. “And he won’t know who you are until you  _ show him.  _ So tell me, newbie...what’s your name?” _

_ He swallowed, nervous. _

**“Paranoia.”**

 

==P==

 

He remembered the song they had sung, not so long along.

_ ‘I knew you’d listen to me, as too scary to ignore. I thought that I could take it. All the hate could just be shaken. But when you care for someone, not much hurts more than their scorn. I also felt bad.’ _

“I thought I would be able to protect you from them.” Virgil admitted.

_ ‘By that, I mean, well,  _ mean.  _ But I did what I thought that I had to- which is bad too! I don’t have to act all tough. Sometimes love is enough.’ _

_ ‘Or what we need.’ _

 

==P==

 

_ Years went by. Paranoia became a stronger presence for Thomas. _

_ His angst phase- boy was a rough one. _

_ Joining theatre, all the chaos that came with it.  _

_ Realizing he liked  _ boys _. Oh the arguments and rants Paranoia had gone through.  _

_ Vine. All the mishaps that somehow worked out. _

_ College. Midterms.  _ Finals.  _ Paranoia had some hard work on those days.  _

_ Paranoia worked a lot with The Dark Sides. Remus was good at feeding Paranoia. Remus would come up with awful ideas-(“ _ What if your pants fell down? What would happen if an anvil fell on your head right now? I bet someone is breaking into your car and taking a dump on the backseat”)  _ which gave Paranoia a lot of fear to push. Deceit would occasionally help, if only by giving Paranoia misleading facts. _

_ He had other friends- bad friends. Friends that Paranoia didn’t like talking about. _

_ So much so that, if he ever talked with the Light Sides they automatically assumed him a Dark Side too.  _

_ Which...didn’t feel all that great. _

_ He didn’t want to be a Dark Side. _

_ He only wanted to help Thomas. _

_ Wasn’t that what any good Side aimed for? _

 

==P==

 

“The Dark Sides?” Thomas asked, all confused and unaware like the living breathing wide eyed deer that he was. 

“The others.” Virgil corrected. He ran his hands over his eyes, probably sniffing his eyeliner. “I thought I knew how to handle them.”

 

==P==

 

_ Then...one day...one of Thomas’ friends had a breakdown in front of Thomas. _

_ The boy assured their sobbing friend, let them cry all over his shirt even if he had no idea what was going on. _

_ When they had stopped crying, Morality had put some tears in Thomas’ eyes at the pain they had gone through. _

_ “Joan? What happened?” Thomas asked. _

_ Paranoia listened in- expecting the worst. As always. _

_ “It’s nothing-” _

_ “No. I know it wasn’t  _ nothing _.” Thomas countered. _

_ ‘Maybe they’re hurt. Maybe someone hurt them.’ Paranoia thought. ‘Maybe- oh maybe just maybe- Joan thinks we hate them.’ _

_ “What happened?” Thomas asked. _

_ Joan wiped at their cheeks. “Nothing! Just an anxiety attack. I get them sometimes.” _

_ Other things were talked about in that conversation. Paranoia didn’t pay attention much. _

_ Because...because that word,  _ anxiety... _ it made something in him click. _

 

==P==

 

Thomas was laughing, because Thomas didn’t understand. Virgil couldn’t blame him.

_ ‘You’ve never had anything to hide.’ Deceit said. That stupid smug glint in his snake eyes that made Virgil feel sick.’ _

“Well...I think we’re all trying to figure them out for now.” Thomas assured. “It’ll take some time to figure everything out.”

“Yeah but I should know better.” Virgil argued.

 

==P==

 

_ Like the fool he was, Paranoia went to Deceit. _

_ “What’s Anxiety?” Paranoia asked. _

_ Deceit hummed, disinterested. “It’s fear. Basic, instinctive fear. Like you, but it actually gets the job done.” He left- probably to trick another Dark Side. _

_ But Paranoia was holding onto that...Anxiety could get the job done. _

_ ‘I knew you’d listen to me- as too scary to ignore.’ _

_ Besides. Anxiety sounded more...fitting to Paranoia. _

_ He needed more facts though. _

_ Everyone knows where you get facts. _

 

==P==

 

_ The Teacher pushed back his glasses. “Explain.” _

_ Paranoia stopped. He hadn’t expected that greeting. “What’s ‘anxiety’?” _

_ The Teacher went off on his explanation. Rattling off facts that Paranoia usually did he best to ignore. _

_ He soaked them in this time. _

_ This time was...important. _

_ By the end of the explanation, the Teacher was giving Paranoia a curious look. “Why brought you to ask me these questions, Paranoia?” _

_ Par- He swallowed. He wasn’t sure what he was thinking. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to share this with a Light Side. _

_ “Nothing.” Then he left. _

 

==P==

 

_ He sighed. “Remus?” _

_ The Dark Creativity Side turned to him. Remus beamed. “Hey there old buddy! How’s it going?” _

_ He winced. “You said that you picked your name.” _

_ Remus blinked- that odd blink where he did it one eye at a time. “Uh-huh.” _

_ “What...what made you  _ know  _ that was your name?” He asked, nervously stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets. “Not- not just something you made up?” _

_ “Easy! I knew it was mine cause I liked it!” Remus stated. “Like I like the flavor of shaving cream!” _

_ He scrunched up his face in disgust. “Yep. That’s about what I should have expected.”  _

_ He left...somehow getting the exact answer he wanted. _

 

==P==

 

“Isn’t that kind of unfair? Why should you be held to a different standard than any other Side?” Thomas asked.

Virgil huffed.

 

== _ P== _

 

_ He appeared before Thomas, as all the Sides had at one point. _

_ “Hey. I bet your video was bad- and nobody liked it.” He told Thomas. _

_ The man yelled. “NO! No that’s not-  _ ugh  _ what are you?! Are you another  _ Side?! _ Aren’t they supposed to be nice?” _

_ Anxiety grinned. “Nah.” _

 

==P==

 

_ “It’s Anxiety now.” He told the Teacher. _

_ Logic did what it always did- accepted the facts, and moved forward with them. _

_ In a day, all the Sides knew that Paranoia had changed to Anxiety. _

_ And that Anxiety had left the band behind him. _

_ He wasn’t Paranoia anymore.   _

 

==P==

 

_ He was in his new room. _

_ “What’s this I hear about you changing your name?” Deceit asked. _

_ Anxiety stared at him, annoyed. He was adding eye-shadow. _

_ New name, new me. _

_ “What?” Anxiety deadpanned. “Didn’t know I needed to ‘check’ with you, Snake- face.” _

_ Deceit smiled thinly and laughed fairly. “Yes. But...why  _ Anxiety _? Everyone knows what you really are, Paranoia.” _

_ Anxiety slammed his eyeshadow pen down. _

_ Deceit raised an eyebrow. _

_ “I’m  _ **_Anxiety_ ** _.” Anxiety stated plainly. “That’s who I am- looking back, it’s who I’ve always been. Paranoia was  _ never _ what made me feel-” _

_ “What, like one of those silly Light Sides?” Deceit mocked. “Tell me- have you picked your own  _ name _ like they have?” _

_ Anxiety glared. “Get out of my room.” _

_ “You do!” Deceit cackled. _

_ Anxiety stood up. He glared Deceit down. “I said-” _

_ Deceit’s eyes widened. _

_ “- _ **get out.”** _ Anxiety’s voice echoed darkly in his room.  _

_ The Snake-like Side vanished. _

_ Anxiety let himself relax. _

_ Time to annoy Thomas. _

_ Thomas had started to relax, anyway.  _

 

==P==

 

Virgil sighed.

“I was one.” He revealed to Thomas.

Thomas stared, stunned. Smile gone from his face.

Virgil let himself sink down. 

His history would be a story for another day.

 

==P==

 

_ Oh but he never had anything to hide...no oh no oh no. _

_ Isn’t that right,  _ Virgil?

**Author's Note:**

> Well...I had thoughts from the series. I decided to do this after the last episode. Remus is a trash baby, and I’m already working on a cosplay of him.   
> As for why I consider this part of the '52' series...the prompt was 'ends in a cliffhanger'...and I never plan on finishing it. Ha).


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